A while back, I read Bunny by Mona Awad. I personally really enjoyed it and have been recommending it to others. While it has magical realism that certainly means that it lends itself to escapism it also has other themes that appealed to me more as a therapist.

Bunny for me explores topics of loneliness, loss of authenticity, the need to belong and how hard it can be to find our authentic self again after exiting a group. These are themes that I also see a lot in therapy, especially with younger people or with those who are entering or going through a phase of change.

Loneliness

From the beginning of the book we get a sense that while Samantha seems to have a friend, she is still lonely. She is one of a cohort of five girls and the other four girls have formed a group, leaving her on the outside looking in. She feels ostracised and unable to connect to the group or the teacher who seems to favour them. This is a topic that is prevalent in therapy. Loneliness brings up all sorts of feelings in us. Alienation, jealousy and defensiveness towards those who refuse to include us. But also sadness and a worry that there is something wrong with us. Loneliness is a painful experience but, in a world, where we are being told that we should not need others this can be hard to acknowledge.

The need to belong

While our society might like to emphasise individualism, the truth is that humans are social animals. We like to be in groups. We like to have our people. We like to belong. We don’t just like it, we need it. Being lonely and not having a sense of belonging can cause us to feel depressed and anxious. To find a place to belong we are often willing to compromise on our core beliefs and morals. Returning to Bunny, this is shown in Samantha’s curiosity and openness to meet the Bunnies when the opportunity presents itself. This is despite her knowing that she does not fit in with them.

Loss of the authentic self

Our need to belong to a group can often lead to us giving certain parts of ourselves up. These are parts we experience as not fitting with what is acceptable to the group. This is generally not a conscious process. Instead, it happens slowly, and in stages, with us not mentioning desires or opinions until they eventually start slipping into our minds. Instead, we adopt the beliefs of the group to fit in. As a therapist, I liked the portrayal of Samantha suddenly becoming aware of how deep she had slipped into the world of the Bunnies as it reflects the confusion some of my clients have expressed when they had suddenly become aware of the loss of their authentic self.

Finding our authentic selves again

In therapy, as in Bunny, finding our authentic self can be a battle that can bring a lot of grief, loss and anger as well as a temporary resurgence of loneliness. We give up a part of ourselves that has allowed us to connect to the group. Giving that up often puts us on a direct collision course with other group members unhappy at the change in the status quo. Therapy offers a space where the feelings in response can be explored and we can start to figure out which opinions belong to us and which ones we have adopted. It also offers a space where we can safely process the fear we might experience at giving up these connections.

Allowing ourselves to be authentic more often leads to a higher likelihood of finding our group of people. Those who fit with our interests, beliefs and morals.

If you are ready to explore your authentic self in therapy, you can contact me by clicking here. I offer therapy in person in Shoreditch, London as well as online. I look forward to hearing from you.