A major complaint that clients often have in therapy about their relationship is that they feel like they need to take care of everything. In the meantime, their partner gives very little back. They prioritize someone else’s needs to the point where they lose sight of their own needs. However, this breeds resentment and unhappiness. Everyone wants to be seen in their relationship. Our partner meeting our needs is one significant way in which we feel acknowledged. So, why are we prioritizing others over ourselves?

Taking care of others from childhood

One influencing factot for predicting whether someone becomes a caretaker in a relationship is their childhood. Having someone in the family who is needier or more demanding sets us up for caretaking. Meeting this person’s needs becomes our primary focus to avoid suffering or to maintain peace within the family dynamics. It can often be so extreme that it is at the cost of others who will take this lesson with them to adulthood.

Working in a caretaker role

Some jobs lend themselves to caretaking. First responders and healthcare professionals for example may often get pulled into advising family members and friends. The people around them can expect that the job means the person should be available to help all the time. With every request that is being met, the role of caretaker is being a little more firmly established. When a demand for care is rejected, the response can be negative.

Gender

Society has expectations. And for many women, the expectation is that they will take care of children and the elderly. Women are often groomed from early childhood to take on a caretaking role. Denying that role or creating some boundaries in it can be met with questioning by society in addition to the emotional response of society. Women often find themselves in a caretaker role and find it harder to let go of it.

Therapy can help a client step out of the headspace of others and become more aware of their own needs. We then foster a voice to communicate those needs and the courage to pursue having those needs met. If you are ready to explore your needs in therapy and would like to contact me, you can find my contact details here. I offer in-person therapy from Shoreditch, London as well as online sessions depending on your needs.